This post started out one thing and morphed into another so I've broken this up into two sections: one about the mechanics of pegging and the other about my observations about the psychology and acculturalization of sex. So, onto Part I.
Pegging. A fascinating practice I
hadn't paid a lot of attention to in the past.
Yeah, the past. I might need to give
some backstory here.
When I was a monogamous lesbian.
Life
is weird in that things you thought might never happen, do happen.
Like becoming a non-monogamous bisexual with a libido, an
imagination, and a limited life span. Oh, and that getting a second
chance at life.
I like girls. I have for as long as I
can remember. I like boys too. Just in a way that is different than
liking girls. Coming to terms with being bi has been quite a
journey. Add being a poly woman to the mix and now I'm really
really, no REALLY, confused.
It's almost five years later and I'm
still confused. What is my purpose? Why am I here? What am I going
to be when I grow up. Okay, maybe my confusion is less about a
purpose and more about wondering what “box” I fit into. But
that's another blog post.
It seems as if there are no quick and
easy answers to these questions. So let's move on to stuff I CAN
discuss and feel like I have some kind of idea of what I'm doing.
Yeah, right. Pegging. Right?
I hope I'm gender fluid in the
expression of my love. And if needs be I think I can wrap my mind
around fucking my boyfriend with a strap on dildo. OK, it wasn't
really that much of a stretch. Heck, it's a shorter list of what
kink I DON'T embrace than what I do.
Closely tied in is being a service sub.
Giving pleasure is pretty much hardwired into me. I can and have
service topped and being the active partner instead of the receptive
is a fun change of pace.
I am really suggestible and I possess
an active imagination. The idea of being the one fucking is a turn
on. I'll orgasm from seeing someone I love orgasm. Having them
orgasm from something I actively did? Well now, pretty much
everything is icing on a yummy cake for me.
Some people are straight in every
aspect of their lives. They are also firmly entrenched in their
concepts of gender and its expression. OK and no problem. I thank
you for being as honest as possible and I'll keep that in mind in our
future encounters. Is this a problem for me? No, it's not but
again, that's a post for another time.
So anyway, after a major dust up in my
life I got an amazing chance to restart prior loving relationships.
For anyone who has never had this chance, if you ever get it, jump
and do not waste the opportunity. Love is a gift not to be wasted.
If someone loves you and you love them back, go for it.
One boyfriend asked me if I'd be
interested in screwing him with a dildo, with or without a strap-on.
We have an odd mix of mundane vanilla sex relationship with a fair
amount of kinky fun thrown in when we each have the time and energy.
He has a kid, I am rebuilding my life and learning to live with a
chronic fatigue and pain syndrome as well as the odd case of
end-stage liver disease with hepatic encephalopathy. Each eats into
what free time we have. Sometimes I'd rather have a night in with a
family than all the kinky sex in the world. Not because one is
better than the other, but simply because one condition I can
generally meet and the other takes some stamina, which is something I
don't always have.
Did I mention there's a lot of stuff I
need and want to write about? Yeah, that's on my to-do list. Stay
tuned for more stuff as it bubbles up out of me.
And back to pegging my boyfriend. I
suppose that there's something socially transgressive about a woman
fucking a guy in the ass with a fake penis. My take is that if this
is something that sounds like fun, why not try it? Give it a good
try. You retain the option to say that this may not be for you.
Like a lot of new sensations, it takes
time and patience to learn what does and doesn't feel good. One
small suggestion is that even if something doesn't feel good, wait a
bit. Things change. And so it's true for ass play. Stop what
you're doing and just wait. Breathe. Explore the sensation. Think
about what you're doing. Get the mind involved along with the body.
If necessary, back off (slowly!) and go on to other fun things. You
can always come back and start again later. We certainly did not go
from zero to sixty without taking some breaks and figuring out what
helped, what hindered, and what else might work.
Sphincters needs some help opening up.
Everyone knows the pain associated with being constipated or needing
to pass an exceptionally large poop. There's pain associated with
opening up. There's also a pretty amazing sense of well-being that
comes after the pain. This process isn't much different, except that
it's happening because you want it to and it might end up feeling
pretty darn good.
So, what worked?
The mind set. Getting the mind
involved is probably the biggest element to turning sensation into
fun. Read about it. Think about how it might feel even before you
try it. Ask others about their experiences. Stay open minded when
it seems that pain stops your play. The thing about stretching is
that each experience builds on the last. Yes, it might have hurt
tonight. That's not true for tomorrow or the next time you try.
Erotic play. Yeah, do what works. Mix
the pleasurable with the less-so. If sucking on a nipple helps, then
add it in! There's no one true way to do anything so forget your
preconceived notions of how things are “supposed” to work and
focus on what does work.
Be patient and persistent. You didn't
learn to walk overnight, you didn't learn your alphabet immediately,
and you won't learn this the first time out of the gate. If you do,
count yourself as lucky but remember to be patient and slow with
others.
Vibrators. This works surprisingly
well. Having a vibrating toy that is safe for anal play is
important. If it also variable in the speed and intensity of
vibrations, so much the better. The vibration of toy can reduce
pain-induced muscle (and sphincter) tightening. It can also redirect
your mind away from discomfort and help focus on stuff that feels
good. And vibration helps relax muscles.
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